New Year Resolutions Revisited

“So we must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that is present, we have everything, and if that be absent, all our actions are directed toward attaining it.” – Epicurus


As we get into the swing of this first month, with shiny new New Year resolutions, goals and intentions set, I’d like you to take a minute to consider all that you have written down. 

Or if you haven’t set any intentions or goals (because what’s the point, you will give up by Jan 31 anyway ??) then I’d still like you to take a minute and read this.

Oftentimes, we set lofty goals while going into the New Year.

  • ‘I’m going to work out every day”

  • ‘I’m going to lose xx pounds by ….”

  • ‘I’m going to journal every day”

  • “I’m going to eat healthy”

All wonderful and lofty goals

And overwhelming, sometimes. 

Is it a wonder that when we find ourselves falling back or not able to keep up, that we beat ourselves up and give up on those resolutions?

So today, I want to offer you a solution.

 I just want you to do ONE thing. 

Pick ONE thing that makes you happy.

  • Is it a 5 minute walk?

  • Is it curling up with a book alone?

  • Is it spending 10 minutes all by yourself locked in the bathroom with no one knocking on the door?

  • Is it a quick workout? 

  • Is it going to the local market and picking up some flowers for yourself?

  • Is it 10 minutes of play time with your kids where you focus only on them? 


Whatever it is for you, pick ONE thing.

And if you are not able to identify something specific, then take this time to think back over the last few weeks to moments where you felt happy, something that made you smile. What was it about that moment or that thing that was joyful? 

After you pick that ONE thing, make an appointment with yourself to do that ONCE this week. 

That’s it, only ONCE. 

I don’t want you to do it more than once. 

Can you do that?

And when that time comes, DO NOT break that promise to yourself. 

(If you find yourself breaking it, ask yourself: if I made this appointment with my boss, would I break it?) 


Once you honor that commitment to yourself, BEFORE you do anything else, set another date and time on your calendar to do this next week. 

Don’t overthink it, just set the time.

Don’t look too far ahead on your calendar, just one week, one appointment at a time. 

And before you complete that next appointment with yourself, schedule the next one.

Before long, it will be a habit. 

Before long, it will become something you do, not once a week or once a month, but once every few days or eventually, once a day. 


When my coach gave me this exercise, it took me a while to identify my joy moments. 

For so long I had tied my happiness to my kids because “isn’t that what I am supposed to do as a good parent ?”

So what I wrote down initially was all the things that I thought I SHOULD want, that should bring me joy

Like spending time with my kids..


Until I had to dig deeper and find what is it that gave ME  joy, not what I was expected to say. 

And I started thinking back to what made me smile, gave me joy.

I love sunrises on the beach.

And I live 15 minutes from one.

But I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I had done that over the 10 years I’ve lived here. And every single time I went in these 10 years, it was because I had guests who wanted to see it.

NOT ONCE had I ever been to the beach at sunrise alone. 

I had many excuses why:

  • I didn’t have time.

  • I should take my kids or my husband so they could enjoy it (never mind that no one else wanted to wake up early to see it)

  • I had so many things I needed to do.

  • I would have to figure out where to park

  • I would have to get up early on a weekend when I needed to catch up on my sleep …..


Until I decided that I would do this ONCE.

On a Saturday.

I rationalized it by thinking to myself that I could sleep in on Sunday.

I set the alarm, I laid out my clothes, I geared up my mind to get out of bed as soon as my alarm went off.

And I went.


That sunrise was one of the most beautiful ones I have seen.

And I resolved to do it again the next week. 

That next week, I made a commitment to myself to do it the following week.

Within a couple of months, I was going twice a week, every week.


And now I ask myself, what took me so long?

To do something so simple, that brings me joy?

And the answer is that I, like most of us, lived on autopilot most of the time. Focused on doing all the things that needed to be done every day. Focus on my career, my kids, my husband….

It took me the wake up call from my coach who asked me why I was not doing something as simple as this for myself to realize that I had lost ME in the whole picture of US.


Now, I have my clients do this exercise early on in our coaching relationship, where they identify things that bring them joy. 

And I help them figure out how to fit it into their schedule. 

Sometimes it takes that person outside of yourself to look at the big picture and say, “how about this? Would this work for you?”

Or ask you this question: what would it take for you to make this happen?

For all the pieces to fall into place.


And although we start with once or twice, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of breaking it.

Something comes up: a child needs attention or work assignment needs to be completed, charts need to be finished …

And have you found that if you break a commitment to yourself once, it gets much easier to do it again another time? And another time?

And that’s where I support them.

We explore it together: What is it that held you back? What made it difficult? How did you feel when you couldn’t do it?


And the bigger question: how did you feel when you did this thing the first time? How did that change your interaction with your family to have a joyful parent around? How did your kids benefit from having a mom around who felt peaceful and less stressed? Who felt that her needs were taken care of, so now she could focus on every one else?


Oftentimes, at this point, they recognize the true benefits of taking care of themselves in these little ways. 

And the benefits to their families.

And that makes it easier to keep on doing it

And adding more of the things that bring joy.


So I invite you to do this for yourself.

Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to do MORE of what brings you joy? 


And if you need a guiding hand, a supportive partner in this journey, reach out to me and I would be honored to help, just as my coach helped me find my joy, and how I coach my clients to find joy.

Fear and Fear LESS

“Don’t let fear stop you from getting off the starting block”

 

Lessons learnt from my two coaches today 

 

Many times we hold back from doing something because we fear failure 

– of not completing what we set out to do.

Of disappointing someone

Of disappointing ourselves 

 

It’s been nearly 4 weeks since I went for a run.

 

This morning as I set out and pulled up my app, I was dithering over which one I should do: 

Should I go back to basics and restart?

Should I start with a beginner run and ease back into the rhythm and build up?

I haven’t run in so long.

Surely I cannot jump back into where I left off.

There is no way I can do the longer runs that I was doing last month. 

And as I was internally debating this, I was simultaneously listening to my business coach 

talk about separating fact from thoughts and perceptions.

 

 

And I realized that although the fact was that I hadn’t run in 4 weeks, 

my thoughts that because of that I wouldn’t be able to run distance were just thoughts. 

How could they be a fact? I had not tried to run yet. 

These were just the thoughts in my head before I even started.

 

How I chose to interpret the fact of not having run for 4 weeks was up to me.

 

I could choose the thoughts that said I could not do a long run,

or I could choose the thoughts that said I could give it a try any way.

 

So I set myself up for a 5 K run on my app, 

the first time for this particular one.

 

Sometimes the universe knows what you need before you even know it.

 

The running coach on the App started with the premise of Fear and running Fear LESS. 

 

Of acknowledging the fear athletes have at the starting line 

Of the unknown 

Of not knowing if they will be able to complete the race

Of not knowing if they will be able to do it in the best time 

And of taking that first step any way 

 

 

He defined Fear from the dictionary definition:

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger

 

Notice that it is caused by ‘anticipation’ not actuality.

 

And even though I didn’t necessarily think I was fearful, when I thought about it further, yes, it was fear.

That I would get tired sooner than before

That I would have to give up.

 

And as I thought it through, I realized it was fear of disappointing myself.

 

More thoughts not based in reality.

 

What if I celebrated whatever distance or time I managed today and let go of that fear?

 

And so as I ran, I listened to both these coaches 

 

When at 16 minutes in and 2 K I was winded 

When I took walk breaks 

When I couldn’t complete the distance 

 

Right about the time the running coach was talking about 

how so many times the run we set out for turns into something else 

Goes in a different direction 

Ends up taking you somewhere new 

 

And how starting points are not just for races

 

But in life how many starting points we have every day 

 

When we leave for work 

When we start a project

When we take on a challenge 

When we are facing something new 

 

And to acknowledge the fear we feel

 

And still take that first step 

 

Of that project at work where you know you will be good at but you fear you don’t know enough and worry someone else would do it better

So you never volunteer

 

Of that situation where you know you should speak up but you fear embarrassing yourself and so you don’t

 

Of that position you know you would be great at but you fear you will have to sacrifice your family time, and so you don’t, without even finding out what the time commitment is.

 

I did not complete the entire 5K run today.

I took breaks

I stopped completely by 3.5 K in and walked

 

But I celebrated the fact that I did try something new

That I did not let my fear hold me back

That I took that first step.

And that I could separate out my facts from my perceptions and thoughts.

 

 

What has FEAR held you back from?

 

And has it been real or just your perception of a circumstance?

 

What if you could acknowledge the fear and still get off that starting block??

Have you ever thought about hanging up your stethoscope?

Are you a woman physician who regularly feels exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally at the end of your work day?

Does it make you second guess your decision to become a doctor?


I can definitely relate to that. I’ve been through periods of my working career when I’ve questioned whether medicine was the right choice for me.


I well remember the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that I felt after a day in the OR taking care of patients.


So when did that change?

I cannot pinpoint an exact date or time. It was a slow gradual erosion over years.

Years of seeing the corporatization of medicine change the way I practiced.

Years of feeling like no matter how hard I worked, it wasn’t enough.

To satisfy the metrics.

Of first case on time starts, the turnover times, minimizing cancellations…and on and on.

Somewhere in there, my relationship with my patients was the casualty.

In a field where I had 5-10 minutes to build a rapport with my patients before they entrusted their life into my hands, even that 5-10 minutes started feeling rushed. Have to get through the paperwork to make sure I can safely anesthetize my patient, keep an eye on the clock so I can make it into the OR and set up and make sure I don’t delay the case. 


And slowly, like particles of sand trickling through my cupped hand, the joy of being a doctor started slipping away.

Until I started questioning if this was even the right field for me.

If things had continued the way I was going, I have no doubt that I would have hung up my stethoscope..

And what a loss that would have been. Not just to my patients, but to me.


Thankfully I was able to flip that switch.

And start reclaiming my joy.

It has been a slow and long process.

Of finding out what I value: both in medicine and myself.

Of figuring out what is important to me.

And working on how I can live my life true to those values.

Of finding out what makes me happy, inside and outside of medicine. 


It’s taken a lot of self-reflection.

And a lot of coaching.

To figure out my thought patterns.

To figure out what was holding me back and what can propel me forward.

And it’s not done.

It’s a process of progression, slow but true.

There are setbacks. Sometimes a few times a week.

Sometimes less. 

But I’m figuring them out.

And I’m here to tell you it can be done.


Maybe your journey through this process may lead you to a different conclusion. Maybe it will show you that you are happier where you are with a few different changes.


Either way, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out?

To climb out of that pit of emotional and physical exhaustion you feel every day?


Take that first step, hold out your hand and reach for another hand that could give you that support to climb out. 

I’m rooting for you.



If you’d like to know more about coaching, you can find me at Asha@theleadershiprx.com