Are you a woman physician who regularly feels exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally at the end of your work day?
Does it make you second guess your decision to become a doctor?
I can definitely relate to that. I’ve been through periods of my working career when I’ve questioned whether medicine was the right choice for me.
I well remember the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that I felt after a day in the OR taking care of patients.
So when did that change?
I cannot pinpoint an exact date or time. It was a slow gradual erosion over years.
Years of seeing the corporatization of medicine change the way I practiced.
Years of feeling like no matter how hard I worked, it wasn’t enough.
To satisfy the metrics.
Of first case on time starts, the turnover times, minimizing cancellations…and on and on.
Somewhere in there, my relationship with my patients was the casualty.
In a field where I had 5-10 minutes to build a rapport with my patients before they entrusted their life into my hands, even that 5-10 minutes started feeling rushed. Have to get through the paperwork to make sure I can safely anesthetize my patient, keep an eye on the clock so I can make it into the OR and set up and make sure I don’t delay the case.
And slowly, like particles of sand trickling through my cupped hand, the joy of being a doctor started slipping away.
Until I started questioning if this was even the right field for me.
If things had continued the way I was going, I have no doubt that I would have hung up my stethoscope..
And what a loss that would have been. Not just to my patients, but to me.
Thankfully I was able to flip that switch.
And start reclaiming my joy.
It has been a slow and long process.
Of finding out what I value: both in medicine and myself.
Of figuring out what is important to me.
And working on how I can live my life true to those values.
Of finding out what makes me happy, inside and outside of medicine.
It’s taken a lot of self-reflection.
And a lot of coaching.
To figure out my thought patterns.
To figure out what was holding me back and what can propel me forward.
And it’s not done.
It’s a process of progression, slow but true.
There are setbacks. Sometimes a few times a week.
Sometimes less.
But I’m figuring them out.
And I’m here to tell you it can be done.
Maybe your journey through this process may lead you to a different conclusion. Maybe it will show you that you are happier where you are with a few different changes.
Either way, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out?
To climb out of that pit of emotional and physical exhaustion you feel every day?
Take that first step, hold out your hand and reach for another hand that could give you that support to climb out.
I’m rooting for you.
