“So we must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that is present, we have everything, and if that be absent, all our actions are directed toward attaining it.” – Epicurus
As we get into the swing of this first month, with shiny new New Year resolutions, goals and intentions set, I’d like you to take a minute to consider all that you have written down.
Or if you haven’t set any intentions or goals (because what’s the point, you will give up by Jan 31 anyway ??) then I’d still like you to take a minute and read this.
Oftentimes, we set lofty goals while going into the New Year.
- ‘I’m going to work out every day”
- ‘I’m going to lose xx pounds by ….”
- ‘I’m going to journal every day”
- “I’m going to eat healthy”
All wonderful and lofty goals
And overwhelming, sometimes.
Is it a wonder that when we find ourselves falling back or not able to keep up, that we beat ourselves up and give up on those resolutions?
So today, I want to offer you a solution.
I just want you to do ONE thing.
Pick ONE thing that makes you happy.
- Is it a 5 minute walk?
- Is it curling up with a book alone?
- Is it spending 10 minutes all by yourself locked in the bathroom with no one knocking on the door?
- Is it a quick workout?
- Is it going to the local market and picking up some flowers for yourself?
- Is it 10 minutes of play time with your kids where you focus only on them?
Whatever it is for you, pick ONE thing.
And if you are not able to identify something specific, then take this time to think back over the last few weeks to moments where you felt happy, something that made you smile. What was it about that moment or that thing that was joyful?
After you pick that ONE thing, make an appointment with yourself to do that ONCE this week.
That’s it, only ONCE.
I don’t want you to do it more than once.
Can you do that?
And when that time comes, DO NOT break that promise to yourself.
(If you find yourself breaking it, ask yourself: if I made this appointment with my boss, would I break it?)
Once you honor that commitment to yourself, BEFORE you do anything else, set another date and time on your calendar to do this next week.
Don’t overthink it, just set the time.
Don’t look too far ahead on your calendar, just one week, one appointment at a time.
And before you complete that next appointment with yourself, schedule the next one.
Before long, it will be a habit.
Before long, it will become something you do, not once a week or once a month, but once every few days or eventually, once a day.
When my coach gave me this exercise, it took me a while to identify my joy moments.
For so long I had tied my happiness to my kids because “isn’t that what I am supposed to do as a good parent ?”
So what I wrote down initially was all the things that I thought I SHOULD want, that should bring me joy
Like spending time with my kids..
Until I had to dig deeper and find what is it that gave ME joy, not what I was expected to say.
And I started thinking back to what made me smile, gave me joy.
I love sunrises on the beach.
And I live 15 minutes from one.
But I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I had done that over the 10 years I’ve lived here. And every single time I went in these 10 years, it was because I had guests who wanted to see it.
NOT ONCE had I ever been to the beach at sunrise alone.
I had many excuses why:
- I didn’t have time.
- I should take my kids or my husband so they could enjoy it (never mind that no one else wanted to wake up early to see it)
- I had so many things I needed to do.
- I would have to figure out where to park
- I would have to get up early on a weekend when I needed to catch up on my sleep …..
Until I decided that I would do this ONCE.
On a Saturday.
I rationalized it by thinking to myself that I could sleep in on Sunday.
I set the alarm, I laid out my clothes, I geared up my mind to get out of bed as soon as my alarm went off.
And I went.
That sunrise was one of the most beautiful ones I have seen.
And I resolved to do it again the next week.
That next week, I made a commitment to myself to do it the following week.
Within a couple of months, I was going twice a week, every week.
And now I ask myself, what took me so long?
To do something so simple, that brings me joy?
And the answer is that I, like most of us, lived on autopilot most of the time. Focused on doing all the things that needed to be done every day. Focus on my career, my kids, my husband….
It took me the wake up call from my coach who asked me why I was not doing something as simple as this for myself to realize that I had lost ME in the whole picture of US.
Now, I have my clients do this exercise early on in our coaching relationship, where they identify things that bring them joy.
And I help them figure out how to fit it into their schedule.
Sometimes it takes that person outside of yourself to look at the big picture and say, “how about this? Would this work for you?”
Or ask you this question: what would it take for you to make this happen?
For all the pieces to fall into place.
And although we start with once or twice, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of breaking it.
Something comes up: a child needs attention or work assignment needs to be completed, charts need to be finished …
And have you found that if you break a commitment to yourself once, it gets much easier to do it again another time? And another time?
And that’s where I support them.
We explore it together: What is it that held you back? What made it difficult? How did you feel when you couldn’t do it?
And the bigger question: how did you feel when you did this thing the first time? How did that change your interaction with your family to have a joyful parent around? How did your kids benefit from having a mom around who felt peaceful and less stressed? Who felt that her needs were taken care of, so now she could focus on every one else?
Oftentimes, at this point, they recognize the true benefits of taking care of themselves in these little ways.
And the benefits to their families.
And that makes it easier to keep on doing it
And adding more of the things that bring joy.
So I invite you to do this for yourself.
Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to do MORE of what brings you joy?
And if you need a guiding hand, a supportive partner in this journey, reach out to me and I would be honored to help, just as my coach helped me find my joy, and how I coach my clients to find joy.
