“I need to learn to negotiate better” and where it lead me in my career.

“That’s so unfair” 

“How does my coworker have better benefits even though I’ve worked longer?”

“I need to learn to negotiate better” “I’m not good at negotiating”

All these thoughts were running through my head as I lay sleepless at night. 

One part of me wanted to shoot off an email to my boss asking for a meeting right then. And then I started running through scenarios in my head. “What would I say? How would he respond? How could I respond to that? How could I effectively ask for what I felt I deserved?” 

Anyone feel this way? 🙋🏻‍♀️

I’ve had these or similar thoughts several times over the period of my career. 

And so I did what we’ve been taught to do when we don’t know something. We try to learn.

I took course after course and workshop after workshop in leadership skills, in negotiation skills, in ‘speaking up for myself’ skills ….and at the end of it, I still had not significantly negotiated any of my job contracts.

I kept waiting for my bosses to recognize the work I was doing and reward me. I went above and beyond to deliver more and work harder, and yet, apart from a few words of appreciation from nursing colleagues, there was no other overt sign that I was doing anything different.

BUT something happened the last time I felt this way.

I decided to seek help.

I’d heard glowing reports from several of my colleagues who had been coached and were raving fans of coaching to up their career game.

Until then, I had equated coaching with therapy and had no intention of heading down that path. 

But when several colleagues reported life changing results in their career, I thought to take another look. 

And found out what Coaching was.

And as we tend to do, we believe recommendations from our peers over what we read online and so I signed up for a Coaching session. 

The first inkling I had that this would be different from anything I’d ever done before was the questionnaire my coach sent me before our first session.

It had me dig deep into things I had not thought about in years. Things about my work, my life, about what I was happy about, what I wasn’t ….

What happened in that session and the ones that followed, completely caused a sea change in me.

So much so that, after a few sessions, I recognized that so many of my peers would benefit from this. And I decided to train as a coach myself. 

Did I learn the exact language to negotiate my next raise or my next ‘ask’ at work?

No.

What I learnt instead is to look at why I felt the way I did, and I learned to look deeper and I learnt that more money was not what I was looking for. 

And I learnt to start looking at where I wanted to go in my career, what was important to me (not necessarily a promotion to a higher position or more money) and how I could get there. 

I learnt to ask myself hard questions:
What did I want? Was it more money? Was it time? Why did I feel things were unfair? 

And I learnt to dig deep.

And I learnt to wait for the answers. 

And I found myself in a more contented frame of mind, going from stressed and unhappy, back to enjoying what I do.

And did I have that meeting that I was so desperate for in the beginning, that I had mentally rehearsed so many times for? 
Not yet. Because what I want now and what I THOUGHT I wanted then are different. And I’m content with things the way they are right now.

I am in the beginning of this new and exciting journey helping myself and helping others like me and loving every moment. 

What are you looking to change  in your career?

Who is a Leader? And 5 Reasons Why every woman physician should aspire to be one

Who is a Leader?

Is it someone with a title or a position, like Professor, or Chief or Head of Department or Committee chair?

For me, not necessarily. Although all those indicate Titular leaders, in my opinion, leaders are not just those with titles.

This quote from John Quincy Adams is what Leadership means to me:

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

If you are willing to step up to do what is necessary to make things better for everyone around you, you are a leader.

So many women physicians do that unconsciously, every day, and yet, we believe we are not leaders unless there is a title attached to our name. 

Don’t get me wrong, we can make a huge difference when we do have a title. And yet, even if we don’t, we have the skills within us to be great leaders. It is a matter of recognizing and honing these skills.

So why should we hone our skills if we are not a titular leader?

Research shows over and over that companies and hospitals do a lot better when there are women in leadership. We bring a different voice and perspective and different strengths and therefore, a different way to problem-solve.

So essentially, we owe it to ourselves, our peers, our departments and our patients, to develop our leadership skills.

Here are 5 reasons why women physicians should aspire to be leaders:

  1. “Be the change you wish to see in the world“ Mahatma Gandhi

This is the number one reason you should want to be a leader. To effect change. No hospital or work place  is perfect and all of us know the problems that exist in our individual work places. The only way you can effect change is to be proactive and lead the effort to change.

2. “Every organization I know of needs women in leadership positions. If you want the best for the specialty, you need to draw from everyone in that specialty; you can’t just draw from a narrow slice. Diversity at the top makes an organization stronger, flexible, and more resilient.” Gail L. Rosseau, MD

3.” Women leaders: Are more inclusive of team members; work to strengthen different personalities; foster innovation through collaboration.” Zuleyka Zevallos, PhD

Women have different strengths than men. We tend to have more of a team-based approach. We are better at ‘soft skills’ or ‘Emotional Intelligence”. What a waste to an organization if it doesn’t have it’s equal share of women leaders!

4. “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much” Helen Keller

Women physicians need other women physician mentors. We need inspiration from other women who have made it in this difficult journey.

5.”Never be afraid to take the lead if in your heart you know you have something to contribute and the skills to move others forward with you.” – Donna Parker, MD

So now that we know WHY, you may wonder HOW?

Learning from each other is a great way that has helped me. 

Through this blog and podcast, I will be sharing my leadership struggles and triumphs, as well as those of many women physician leaders.

 

 

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